These Are A Few Of My Favourite Puns

I've learnt in life that the puns I find the funniest are usually the ones that are met with the loudest groans and most exaggerated eye rolls. Here is a collection of some of the worst (also known as the best) puns I've penned, in no particular order.

Did you hear about the botanist who was killed by hospital staff? They accidentally gave him a poison IV.

They recently created a robot who can play classical music fantastically. Only problem is they put his arms on the wrong way and he can only play Bach-wards.

What's a fruit's biggest fear? Being berry-d alive.

What's a fruit's second biggest fear? Meeting another fruit that's into cann-apple-ism.*

I used to be a short film maker, but then I had a growth spurt.

Did you hear about the classical musician who had to go to anger management classes? He had a violin-t streak.

Read a book today titled 'The World'. You'll never guess how it ends.

Read a book today titled 'Guide to Good Wine'. It was a best cellar.

Read a book today titled 'What Type of Cooling System Are You?' I wasn't a fan.

Did you hear about the guy who did his grocery shopping at Officeworks? He found everything he needed for a staple diet.

I think that's enough for now. Feel free to add your own or extend upon these ones in the comments!

*Can't take all the credit for this one. A genius at my work came up with the "cann-apple-ism" idea, just in a different context.

Pastimes In A Time Past

Lately I haven’t had as much access to the Internet as I usually would, and the whole thing has got me wondering… how did people possibly survive before social media? I’m talking way back in the day, when the “horse power” of your vehicle was literal and attached to your carriage. How did people share what they were doing, stalk what others were doing, and just generally interact without actually interacting?

Did people hire painters to spend hours immortalising the salad they just made on canvas, only to enquire at the end what it would look like with the X-Pro II filter?

Were messengers sent out in a frantic flurry to inform as many villagers as possible that their masters were, in fact, getting buff at the local exercise parlour?

Did waiting outside the royal gates for any kind of monarch to go somewhere so they could be followed equate to a reply from a celebrity on Twitter?

Maybe back then they were less about “checking in” and more about checking out their surroundings. Maybe catch ups were held face to face, not over an instant messaging forum, and when they shared their lives with each other they never got the response of “oh yeah, I read that on Facebook”.

That’s not to say I think social media is a terrible thing. In fact, like many other advancements since the Ye Olde Days, like sewerage systems and electricity, I think it serves a brilliant place in society. To me, it’s just one of those things, like sewerage plants and electricity bills, that can seem overwhelming in large doses. 

Patience, Iago

I don't have the Internet at home at the moment so it's hard for me to put new blog posts up, but I've got a good 'un in the pipeline. In the mean time, here's a sneaky post sent from my office desk with a real mind bending question:

Why is it that when you come around a corner, or open a door to something like a public restroom, and there's someone standing there we always say "sorry" to each other? Is it "sorry for opening the door at the same time as you"? "Sorry for existing in this moment of time and temporarily getting in your way"? Or even, "sorry for making you aware that other people exist and can be in places you weren't necessarily expecting them to be"?

I'm not talking about actually physically bumping into someone, just rounding a corner or discovering them on the other side of the door.

It baffles me every time.

Mull over that until I can post something with a bit more meat.